The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
