I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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