arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
