You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
