He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
