You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
