another moral hangover. fuck.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
