I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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