Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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