ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
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I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
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Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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