How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
