How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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