in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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