At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
