i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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