You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Dicks are not precious.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
