oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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