he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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