...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
