How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
foreskin is a definite game changer
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
