Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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