I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
you had me at cake vodka
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Randomize
