thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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