Dual....:-)
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Hippo gnu deer
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
