Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Little spoons don't ask big questions
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
