What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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