You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
i now understand why vodka
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
