ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You pole danced in your parka.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
