Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
