Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
