in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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