I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
