I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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