i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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