Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
