Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
