the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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