Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
this is an emotional support booty call
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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