Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize