i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
