You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
