You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
