I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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