My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
