I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
