Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
How external is "for external use only"?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Randomize
