At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
