I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
