How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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