who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
