I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
