I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
