I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
