Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
