I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
