If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Will exercising make me less horny?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
