It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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