Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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