Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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