I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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