So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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