i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
