Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
